"I'm Living Two Lives": This Queer 19-Year-Old Explained The Reality Of Living With Unsupportive Parents In 2024 (2024)

As an older Gen Z'er, I sometimes struggle with comparing myself to my peers. I see people my age living lavishly or starting families, and I can't help but think, "I'm not where I'm supposed to be at all." I feel like it's common to think you're supposed to have it all figured out and settled by a certain age — but that's just not realistic for everyone.

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So, to showcase that there's no real timeline to follow in life, I sought out Gen Z'ers from the BuzzFeed Community who were willing to share their lives with me — and the internet — by highlighting parts of their day-to-day existence.

And by the way:If you are interested in submitting your ownGen Z Journalor know anyone who might, fill out this shortformwith just the basics for a chance to be featured in a future edition.

Welcome back to Gen Z Journals.

This week: Meet Jay (he/him/she/her/they/them), a 19-year-old from the East Coast. The remainder of this post will be from their POV.

I do not currently have a job, but I'm in the process of looking and applying for one. I am a pre-med freshman at University.

I live at home with my parents, and excluding university bills (a mix of FAFSA, scholarships, and loans), I spend less than $20 a week. I get food through my school, and I don't have many food options at home, so on weekends, I usually need something to tide me over. Other than that, the occasional expenditure on necessary clothes and hygiene is probably $20 or less monthly. Most of my clothes I bought on clearance — or they're free t-shirts from middle school — but hey, what's more punk than reusing clothes for five or more years?

As for how I feel about my financial situation: I! Want! To! Work! My family wouldn't let me get a job, but I'm finally in the works of getting one (which is terrifying). I'm financially and medically dependent on my family, and I often feel isolated from my peers, especially pre-meds who often have rich and educated families supporting them and don't have to worry about money. I'm looking for a job in my field, which will probably be lab work. I love working in the lab so much; it's like church to me.

For the record, I would've been happy with an 'average teenager job.' I come from a family of dishwashers and maintenance men, and I've been doing outdoor 'men's work' since I was questionably young. I love work; I want to get out there!

Right now, my to-do list is full of homework. Otherwise, it involves things like taking care of pets, taking meds, finding food for that day, cleaning up my room, etc. When I have class, I commute to my university, where I'm out as queer, then go back home, where I'm closeted. Other large-scale things like job applications and med school logistics float from list to list. I do love my to-do list system; it's color-coded, and I live and die by that list.

My sleep schedule isn't great. Right now, I'm averaging five hours a night, and that's going into fourteen-hour school days and a stressful house. I go through bouts of both hypersomnia, where I can only wake if I'm panicked, and insomnia periods of lying in bed for hours, rolling back and forth like a rotisserie chicken. On weekends, I usually take Benadryl to knock me out to try to "catch up" on sleep. It isn't the greatest habit, but it works for me.

I am a proud aromantic! I am bisexual, but I also love my aromanticism. The thought of being in a romantic relationship is horrible to me, but I don't judge. My friends are my world; they and my family are all I need in life.

Honestly, starting university was terrifying. I still live at home, so to most people, it doesn't look like a huge change. However, I went against many of my family's wishes, and it was terrifying to put myself out there. I'm doing a lot of this on my own, and it's scary! Hell, I'm applying for jobs and can't even tell my parents. Being in the medical world is wonderful but also a huge leap for me. In my spare time, though, I love drawing abstract designs. Right now, I'm in an art deco phase; I've been creating my own designs!

As for challenges, some days, I feel dumb for even being bothered by my home life. But other days, it nearly breaks my heart. Every morning, I go to school, put a rainbow keychain on my backpack, and become a proud queer student. Every night, I put the keychain back in my bag and go home to a family that would disown me or take everything away from me if they knew who I really was. There are so many painful details that add up far too fast, but at the end of the day, the point is that I'm living two different lives, and they're only separated by a couple of streets.

That said, I have two goals for 2024: kiss a girl and get a job. I need to initiate and am terrified of doing both things, but I've also wanted to do them for…a very long time.

I've definitely found it hard to make friends in university. Being a commuter and having such a complicated background makes it hard to connect with people. My family constantly saps my energy, and I've been too scared to join queer communities on campus. It's really hard balancing my different lives; if I get too comfortable in one, I risk the other.

I constantly feel like I'm horrifically behind. What near-20-year-old has no savings, no job history, no freedom? I often feel like I've squandered my future. I'm not very active on social media, but even seeing my peers in person causes pangs in my chest sometimes. I can't even begin to describe how out of place I've felt my whole life. Even now, in a relatively liberal university, I'm still the odd one out because of my background. I heard a classmate say, "Pretty much all kids our age were raised being fine with gay people," and I nearly laughed out loud. People have no idea how broad the experiences of those around them are, and that really has to change.

There's this quote from Only Murders In the Building Season 3: "You can afford to take your time. What you can't afford is to waste it." I remember that quote every couple of weeks or so, and it always hits me in the gut. I don't have regrets about my past. Of course, I wish I came from a different life, but I've given my all to get where I am.

Just because my effort doesn't put me in the same place as my peers doesn't make me less deserving than them. I'm learning that more and more as I find new ways to succeed in life.

If you relate to any of these stories or if you're interested in hearing stories from more people, let me know in the comments below! If you have a Gen Z Journal of your own to share, you can fill out this short form with just the basics. We'll be in touch to discuss it further if your story is a fit.

Note: This submission has been edited for length and/or clarity.